In a bad space at the moment. Lots of negative self-talk running through my head. Going through perimenopause and still having physical symptoms from being taken off an AD. It got so bad today that I didn't go to work. (Not that it would've mattered, since I have nothing to do at work anyway. When I do have something it's a struggle to stay focused.) I went to the ER this weekend with a migraine and ended up hospitalized overnight with heart irregularities. Have to get a stress test done sometime soon.

Still waiting on the VA to process my disability paperwork. It may take a year or longer due to those who have bigger disabilities than me. It's kind of hard to think of my long struggle with depression as a qualifying condition for disability when there are those with no limbs or who have TBIs.

Have an appt with Pdoc tomorrow. Don't want to go back on an SSRI but may have to so the symptoms will stop. She'll ask if I have a new T yet and I'll say no, because it's a pain to get one through the military system as a retiree. I have to get a referral from my regular doc and she's too busy.

Trying not to be a burden on my husband since he has MS and other issues on his plate. I know he worries, though. My daughter starts high school this year and we're concerned about how she'll manage. She has a learning disability and other problems beyond that of a typical teenager.

I just feel useless and like a failure, in spite of others telling me otherwise. It's frustrating to want to do something, but not feeling well enough to do anything. I wish I could give up trying, but I can't as I'm the main provider of money for the house. If I lose my job I don't know what to do; I don't have a good degree and I can't afford to get one right now. I feel like I'm trapped in a colorless world and everything is a shade of blah gray.

Thanks for letting me complain, even though I don't really have a lot to complain about.