oh my... where to begin????

My Husband and I have been married 4 years and he is currently deployed to Afghanistan with the U.S. Army. About 2 years into our marriage, in 2008, my husband was fired from his civilian job, we were forced to move out of our apartment and into his parent's house. He worked construction with his father for a few months until they stopped getting jobs so they didn't need him anymore. At this point, we were living off his parents (for food and shelter) and my Social security check that came once a month. At this point, we had been living with his parents for about 6 months and our welcome was running out and our marriage was starting to suffer, because we were living 6 people in a 3 bedroom house so privacy was almost non-existent (we had already kicked my broth-in-law out of his room so we could have an actual bedroom to sleep in. We had been sleeping on their sofa up until then... well actually, I was sleeping on the sofa and my husband was sleeping on the floor because the sofa didn't pull out to make a bed).

I have no clue how we did it, but we managed to survive another 6 months there (so we had been there a year) until my parents bought a house and said we could rent it from them, so that is where we are living presently. While we were living with the in-laws, and after he was let go at construction, my husband basically became very lazy and quit looking for jobs. He would tell me all the time "I'm doing the best I can" but there would be 5-6 applications not filled out, just sitting on the counter. Every time I confronted him about it, my husband would just get very defensive and angry and it'd turn into a yelling match. Around this time, I started falling out of love with him.

Oh... I forgot to mention that pretty much right after we were married, he was deployed for the first time (we were married in May and he left in September of 2007). While he was gone, I was raped. So, when he came home, sex was extremely difficult for me because it caused me to have panic attacks and flashbacks... and it hurt (still hurts and I have no idea why). Our sex life pretty much ended at that point, but there have been a few instances when my husband has raped me. Because of that, I have lost all trust in him. Then he became, in my opinion, mentally abusive by placing guilt trips on me for not being able to give him sex. (it has taken me a while to realize that that is a form of abuse... I still deny it at times)

Well... about 2 months ago, I met a man online and we hit it off right away. Long story short, he is hopefully coming to visit me at the end of this month and we will then become an official couple. We haven't made it official yet, because he says, "I don't ask women out online or over the phone. The gentleman-like way to ask them out is face-to-face (sweet huh? )

My husband was recently home on R&R and about half our time was fun. We had a blast just hanging out and stuff, but the other half we spent fighting about everything. (He knows about the other guy, etc). One minute my husband is begging me to try and work things out and the next he is listing off things that he is going to take with him when we get divorced.

I am so confused by all this. The stress is making me physically ill. I can't eat, I can't sleep, etc.

But apparently, my husband has gotten it in his head that it is over, because I found out the day he left that he left me with a negative bank balance, opened up a separate account, and will be giving me an "allowance" of $600 a month. He has agreed to pay the electricity, phone, and water bills, so $600 may seem reasonable to some people, but the state recently stopped paying my Medicare premium of $461 a month so now I have to pay that or lose my insurance. I don't know what I am going to do, because the last bill I got said if the payment is not received within so many days of the bill date, they cancel the insurance, and I sure as hell can't be without insurance due to all my health issues.

I have no income except the "allowance" that he is going to give me because I don't get Social Security anymore due to the fact that I am married to a deployed soldier who is making a lot of money and the state considers his income my income. Sorry, I realize talk about financial issues should go in a different forum so I will stop now. I just wanted post about ALL my issues with my husband.

Sorry this ended up so long. Thank you if you actually took the time to read it all.