... really seems like such a hard task these past few days. But I am trying so hard. I think sometimes I am maybe pushing myself too hard.... like I am trying to MAKE myself well. I am trying to keep a positive attitude, and trying to do better than I have in the past. But inside I feel like I am going to explode. I've always been good at taking care of other people, but not taking care of ME. I'm trying so hard to stay positive and make this a good day. It doesn't seem to be working. I think I am so afraid to let my guard down, because I don't want to end up back where I was 2 months ago. I guess it all boils down to this: I don't know how to stay strong, but I refuse to back down. This is really getting to me now. I want my family and everyone around me to be happy, and I am pushing myself so hard just to stay well, because I know how they all worry when I'm not. I'm just a little confused... I don't know what to do with myself today.