ok so today idk what mood swing or if normal this is. I went to the store and only bought the needs, only sticker for me to help track was the only not need but that can be argued due to it will help me with tracking. The rest was body care like shampoo, soap, mouth wash, under arm stuff and razors (i have left these things go and didn't realize till last night when i needed to bathe) That's all. And it came to 40 bucks which puts me tight with paying everything for rent and bills. Of all sorts.
Any ways i tried to go to sleep when i should be sleeping, instead i stayed awake and still up. For over 2 hours about i stressed myself trying to figure out what i was going to do. I accepted what i had bought would last 2 months or more. Just i couldn't afford it right now. I ended up pulled out one of my credit cards out of hiding to pay a medical bill which helps my bank balance now. But through all this i felt as if having good or suffice hygien was a freakin luxury. I really did which made me feel bad.
My boyfriend got up and i explained all of what i had been doing and he said he'd give me money cuz i buy stuff for both of us. I denied it idk if it's all pride but he pays his own bills. Then i got upset cuz i don't have driver's insurance, but i drive some times & need to get it but can't right now.& i didnt get enough food for this week. Then i started stressin about how much therapy is going to cost & if they charge my ins my ins wont pay or will only pay lil But it still came back to good hygien was a luxury. It's healthy to be clean and it makes me feel better too. But i do realise that there are ppl in poorer countries that don't get to bathe every day :-( and i'm sitting here complaining that i bought enough for atleast or more 2 months worth of stuff. Just messed up in a way. Just confused with me. And wondered if anyone else has thought this way?
I try to budget. I really do. I'm going to probably sel my newer phone which is old now, but whatever i can get out of it. Just too much $ out& not enough $in.ah