Both of my grandfathers, one grandmother, a greatgrandfater and numerous cousins and uncles have all been addicted to alcohol. A least one uncle has been addicted to some serious drugs during the course of his life. I say that because I am only now beginning to realize that what I do with my suicidal thoughts (which are all the time) seems to be nothing more than to help feed an addiction to the thinking about, and just going through the steps I have listed in my mind about where and how I would do this. Asking if I am actively suicidal nets one a good laugh from me because 99.99% of the time i am. There is no drug to help with this. They are now starting to publish books about this as well. I won't touch alcohol or drugs for that very reason, because I am afraid I am going to find something that I like and if I do then I am finished. Anybody ever heard of anyone else addicted to this...it is not like I try it very often. I spent hours at a time thinking about doing it that's all. My therapist says I must be getting something out of it otherwise I would not keep doing it. I guess the high would have to be "well I will always have that option if things get so bad I just can not handle it anymore", or maybe it is something else. It has never gone away and I am not sure what kicked it off. Even if things are wonderful, the thought reminds. Anybody else dealing with an issue like this.