She can't see it is your fault because it is not. You may feel she is looking through rose tinted glasses, but, at the moment, you are looking through black ones due to your depression. Iknow because I have been there. I still struggle to believe it is not all my fault; deep down it feels like it is, but logically I am starting to see it is not. I'm not going to rebut all of your statements one by one because I know you would come up with a response to each rebuttal. One thing that helped me was to try to think what I would say to a friend in the same situation. That helped me to see that I was not as guilty as I felt. What you are doing now is emotional reasoning - you feel bad so you believe you are bad. But you're not, not really. Just hang on in there till it gets a little clearer, OK? And keep posting.