LaLaLaLa......(fingers in my ears)......LaLaLa.......but the last two days have been so good. I need to figure out what I am going to do. The battle between my heart and logic (knowing,come on, I know something is going on but to what extent?????) is too much to handle. When its good its beautiful but when I find something (yeah I go looking for stuff and darn it I always finds something) and ask him to explain it, things get really ugly. My orginal post was during the "ugly". It truely drives me batty. I am willing to forgive and move ahead but according to him there is nothing to forgive. There's a good question....is it wrong for me to "research" his stories. I always hope that I won't find anything but I usually do. I have never seen him with another woman but the cell bills, numbers on scratch pieces of paper,and the lies I have already caught him in... see I know I just don't want it to be true. Why won't he admit it so we can move on? Instead, it's my fault for not trusting and looking for "stuff". I don't know... During the course of our relationship my cycling has been unmedicated and off the charts. He has been patient, not always kind, and has tolerated a lot. The stress from the relationship has had a major impact on my mental instability. But when he holds me and it's just him and I alone, it's the only times in my life that I have felt comfort and peace. Argh!!!! So is it wrong to look for stuff? Am I setting myself up? Is the need to "investigate" the unpleasant side of being Bipolar.......