richard, a wonderful accomplishment re the pot smoking. addiction numbs our feelings. it's an escape. now you are on the journey of self improvement. i applaud you for having the courage to face your "demons", it doesn't happen overnight. i've been working on myself for 30 yrs. and have lots of areas still to address. one of them is rage. doesn't happen often but i've learned it comes from fear and invalidation from others. now i'm learning how to channel that anger into something constructive rather than making myself physically and emotionally upset. i think it's important we know where these deficits originate from. you are doing that. reading your post tells me you have the willingness to change. that is the key for self improvement. another thing i noticed is how hard you are on yourself when you feel you're still stuck on old behaviors when they arise. you didn't get those old behaviors overnight so you won't gain the new behaviors overnight either. it even can be painful even tho it's a positive action. keep practicing.
my best suggestion is to keep you focus on practicing what you know you want to change. practice, balance, self awareness and pausing before you react may help. it does for me, especially pausing.
as you grow you will learn how to deal with your abandonment issues, etc. you will find a balance as long as you keep trying. just be kinder to yourself during this process. rome wasn't built in a day.
this site may help-
http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/to...ps/relatn.html
just keep the perspective of what you've accomplished already. that will empower you.
a fellow traveler.