((((((Sky)))))) I agree with the earlier posts... I think it sounds like you're making progress.

But before I go into that, I also agree that you sound like a mature, responsible, honest adult. I haven't read anything that suggests you're bad. It sounds like maybe you need to hear that.

As far as the issue of repressed anger... It sounds like maybe you're caught in... oh man, I don't know the psychobabble term for it ... like you're caught in an emotional negative feedback loop. I get caught in these and was just reading about them, maybe you're going through something similar? It could go something like this:

Something with T upsets us---> We feel angry/hurt---> We then feel shame for our anger/fear of acting bad---> To avoid shame/anger/badness, we repress the anger.

So then, this anger is already below the surface. Something else happens with T and suddenly not only are we angry about the new offense, but we also have the repressed anger/fear/shame still buried inside. The cycle begins anew, this time with all the force of accumulated and unprocessed emotions, and this further intensifies the shame.

I think you're right... your anger is leaking. Your walls are breaking down, with or without your consent. So I think the question isn't "Relax/risk or keep walls/keep safe?" Instead, I think the question is: do you let your T help you in gently freeing you of your walls or do you allow them to burst open on their own.

I do think this is progress, I don't think any of this makes you bad or unworthy of T, I don't think she's considering termination. If you want to protect her from your anger/shame leakage you don't have to hide it.. you can protect her by allowing her to help you process it. (((((Sky))))))