((((((Losingit60))))))))
Lynn is right, you are going through a change right now. Your children are on their way out of the nest and your not sure how to not be in demand to give to them.
And those bad thoughts are because you are sensing that you are out of a job in a way or maybe a kind of career. Because running a family and raising children is actually a career choice. And many mothers never had much time to think about themselves, they often do things for themselves sparingly so they actually lose part of themselves. This moment in life is a very lost time for many mothers. And it doesn't sound like you had your own career and identity, your identity was caring for your children. And many women simply don't realize this and go through a kind or morning period where they have to come to terms with not being needed anymore and it is almost as if they are not loved anymore either. But that is just a misperception.

I have been struggling with that myself, and I have to say I am not sure what I want to do. Though I am struggling with PTSD as well, I do feel that part of me that almost feels like I lost my child somewhere. And the hard part is that the children are going to act like your not important to them any more. It doesn't mean that they don't love you, it just means that they just want to explore things on their own now and make their own decisions and sometimes they don't even want any of your advice. And that has nothing to do with wether you were a good parent or not either. And if that is happening it is a good sign that you actually were a good parent and provided them with whatever they needed to actually have a strong desire to be on their own, so you actually did your job. And it is also hard to adjust to the fact that you are no longer in control, kind of like you lost your business all of a sudden.

Don't let yourself fall into thinking that you have no more function in life anymore.
You just have to learn how to get used to an empty house and the quiet and change. Slowly you are going to learn how to get back in touch with yourself in a different way. You do have to make efforts to try to explore and learn and give yourself time to get used to the change. And there definitely is a morning process that is normal so don't let it send you into depression and having bad thoughts about yourself. It is a major readjustment but you WILL adjust slowly.

Open Eyes