Quote:
Originally Posted by madisgram
richard, a wonderful accomplishment re the pot smoking. addiction numbs our feelings. it's an escape. now you are on the journey of self improvement. i applaud you for having the courage to face your "demons", it doesn't happen overnight. i've been working on myself for 30 yrs. and have lots of areas still to address. one of them is rage. doesn't happen often but i've learned it comes from fear and invalidation from others. now i'm learning how to channel that anger into something constructive rather than making myself physically and emotionally upset. i think it's important we know where these deficits originate from. you are doing that. reading your post tells me you have the willingness to change. that is the key for self improvement. another thing i noticed is how hard you are on yourself when you feel you're still stuck on old behaviors when they arise. you didn't get those old behaviors overnight so you won't gain the new behaviors overnight either. it even can be painful even tho it's a positive action. keep practicing. 
my best suggestion is to keep you focus on practicing what you know you want to change. practice, balance, self awareness and pausing before you react may help. it does for me, especially pausing.
as you grow you will learn how to deal with your abandonment issues, etc. you will find a balance as long as you keep trying. just be kinder to yourself during this process. rome wasn't built in a day.
this site may help-
http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/to...ps/relatn.html
just keep the perspective of what you've accomplished already. that will empower you.
a fellow traveler. |
Thank you madis, it means a lot coming from you and it is greatly appreciated
I understand rage, Im often filled with and it was all around me as a child. I know how hard it can be to focus it; as I said on my bio Im an ex fighter, adn have my scars from nights of uncontrolled rage. Working out has been a big help for me (when i say working out, mostly I run and martial arts, im not a muscle head at all), I love to run and listen to music, on those darker days I feel like I could run forever till I reach the end of the world and just throw myself off (ofc we know the world isnt flat but hey if i ran fast enough who knows right?).
But like you Im learning to let it go, to find outlets for it.
I know pot isnt a big thing but as you said addiction numbs our feelings, and I think sometimes people forget about the psycological aspect additction, its a fight with your willpower, a test of your mental strength, as we all know if something is wrong in your mind it is very possible and likely it will effect some other aspect of your life and or health, I noticed for me it started as lack of sleep, and my appetite started to suffer somewhat. It took a lot of focus to move my thoughts away from getting high and doing other things, occupying my time was and is important for me.
Thank you so much madis and for the link too, its nice to know there people here who care and offer support.