Hi Fuzzybear

I think every single human being goes through this .. .even the successful people (it's lonely at the top!) My father was an alcoholic and of course it reeked havock in our home. I did poorly in school. I did not get 100% support from my parents and growing up in the late 40's and during the 50's was tough. The thinking back then was "you made your bed lay in it" .... "if you really want something bad enough you can get it" to "pull up your socks!" When I look back on my life after all these years I really do believe I suffered stress, fear of my parents divorcing and eventually depression. A big deal was not made of depression back in those days. I too had a bad marriage and felt ugly, a failure, and what had "I" done to deserve it. My life wasn't as great as I thought it was at the time. Odd thing ... when I met my second hubby (wonderful guy) I let my guard down and that's when the anxiety hit me! You know ... you have a survival instinct; fight to survive and then when it's all over with you can give a sigh of relief, but then the bomb hits! LOL Happens all the time to the best of us.

How did I over-come this. I took Cognitive Therapy. I had suppressed anger issues and it needed to come out. It was OK to be ticked off with my parents and get darn mad, and it was OK to be mad at my ex husband for cheating numerous times on me. I realized I was attractive, had a lot to offer others and was good at my job. I reprogrammed my brain (have a ways to go yet) but it really works! It's sort of like putting a new program in your computer. LOL Doesn't work immediately though! It takes patience and a few months to notice changes, but it sure does help. We are in more control of ourselves than we realize and that I have learned! LOL I finally learned to say the word "NO!" when I never use to beable too and like a bratty kid, I say it too often sometimes. LOL

What is past is past. I know this is difficult if it is sexual or mental abuse, but it can be done because I have friends who have won this fight. Get very angry! It's OK! YOU did nothing wrong! Once you get the anger out you begin to heal. Never think you are different from other people or strange ... it is far from the truth. I always remember that people from all walks of life have problems and some of them are the same as we have.

Hang in there!

God Bless
Marcy