I cant' stand missing her.

She hurt me!

I feel like I am being forced by my feeling of loss to miss someone that doesn't deserve to be missed!

My Reiki Master said I need to feel all my feelings about my aunt and right now I don't feel like loving my aunt!

That's why I am so angry.

Why do I feel guilty?

Because I feel like an INSANE person missing someone who hurt me!

And as I said before, when I did tell her how her death was going to impact me, she only said, "Well, Billi, you KNOW that I am going to go eventually!" in a snappy tone. That has still been affecting me. She more often than not could not deal with any of my feelings about her, except only the ones she wanted me to feel at a given moment, i.e. when she wanted me to. It was more often than not about HER not about ME.

Also, you are absolutely right---I have a right to cry and express.

I am still dreaming about her---hate dreaming abotu her but can't help it now, unless and until I learn directed dreaming.

ty,


Billi