Forest, you place a very high value on maintaining an image of perfection. Your home has to be perfect. Your childhood has to be perfect. Your life has to be perfect. That has to be a lot of stress right there! Where does this need for everything to be perfect come from? Were you ever allowed to make a mistake? What happened if you did make a mistake as a child?

It's okay to be a human being, you know? I bet that you don't hold your friends to the rigid standard you hold up for yourself. I'd like to convince you that you have permission not to be perfect all of the time.

If talking about this out loud is beyond you right now, I can think of a couple of options. One is to write it down and give your doctor a note explaining your concerns, or print this thread and take it to your doctor. Another option is to try online counseling. I am a participant in e-therapy, and it is a good option for me for various reasons. Maybe e-therapy would be enough for you, or maybe it would help you to get ready to try talking about it face to face. You don't have to just live with it, and there's no need to feel ashamed. You can have an imperfection and still be okay. It's called being a human being.