Sometimes getting it out helps my head feel lighter too. I came across a quote once,
Quote:
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you can't heal what you won't feel
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I kind of want to stomp on your fiance's mother's toes! I would be quite upset if my bf's mother favoured his ex over me. Or at least appeared to do so.
When you mentioned forgiving him it kind of reminded me of one of the reasons why I might be a little more sad around now (aside from everything else). Shortly after finding out, I decided I would give things one year. 1 year and if we were in a better place (and I had survived) and worth it, great, if not it would be time to move on. There were many times where I didn't think we were going to make it to a year....or that I would. But I kept holding onto it because I owed it to myself to become more clear headed for what I knew the relationship could be. During one of our good swings I started to consider forgiveness. How, when, what etc? At that point I knew it would be likely we would see year 6 of our relationship and our 1 year anniversary of all this. So I gave this date a new importance. My goal was to be somewhere around forgiving him. Of course not saying it was ok, but letting go/accepting. It was a good 3 or 4 months ago that I decided this but I think I'm upset that I'm not as ready for that as I had planned to be. (I'm not good at just going with the flow, I set deadlines for everything). Maybe there is a part of me that doesn't want to give that forgiveness up yet.
I agree about the growing up separately. I can see why many relationships that start young don't work out. It's hard. You start out as one sort of unfinished person and you change and grow and maybe someone different on the other side of all of that. I like that we've had this time together but it would have certainly been easier head we met a few years later I think.
I love the story about the elephant, that's adorable and I'm glad it's brought you together.
A letter might be good. At least easier for me. But I also feel like I need to push myself to work better at the verbal discussion of these types of things.