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Aug 20, 2011, 08:50 AM
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,309
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Rohag, thank you. Yes I totally agree with you about Any change... It's just another vicious circle, isn't it?
I'm still struggling and last night I was writing. Just doodling on paper, random words. But then it turned into really negative, nasty, suicidal stuff and I just put my pen down and walked upstairs. I went into the bathroom and just sobbed my heart out. Then I heard David talking and coming up the stairs, so I sniffled and he knocked on the door, asking to come in... Typical! 
So I wiped my eyes, fanned my face and let him in. He said he was worried about me because I didn't seem okay so I brushed past him and said that I was doing fine, I was okay don't worry. He gave me a hug and said he loved me then went downstairs.
So, I went back to crying for a few minutes and then pulled myself back together, then went downstairs to join him. I really don't know what came over me. I have had a fab morning already today yet I feel really crappy for some reason. I just feel down for some reason, even though I just had a really great shoot and got some fantastic images out of it, I feel crap. It doesn't make sense!
moltenwater, you're right. It is like giving out everything I have just to get s**t thrown back at me. It's not fair at all 
Marla, it does apply to me. It's hard to pick up those pieces and picking up those pieces makes it harder to overcome the depression. It is VERY overwhelming...
In 8 days' time I'll have made it a year with no self harm/suicide. It's getting harder as that day draws nearer, to keep up with it. Hmmm. I'm still fighting though.
Thanks for replying.
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