After all of this time, when I really need to hear something from T, I ask. I'll say something like "I really need to hear that you're not going to terminate me" and T says something like "That's EASY to say, because it's the truth. I. am. not. going. to. terminate. you. We're in this together".

I trust T and I know he wouldn't tell me something that isn't true just because I asked him to (I think I actually tested this quite a few times early in therapy!). So, when I really need to hear something, I ask. And it helps. It feels empowering to be able to ask for what I need and I know T is proud of me for doing it.

This is after four years of therapy, though. I'm pretty positive that in my first year or two of therapy, if I said "I need to know that you're not going to terminate me", T would have asked "where do you think that fear is coming from?". I guess for most of the things I need to ask for, we've worked past that stage. Now, more than anything, I need to know I'm loved and safe, even after telling my story.