Thanks everyone for your kind comments.

I really do want this. This is a change from how I felt before where I thought it was just too hopeless.
It is SO hard. The last two nights I fell asleep at 2AM. Last night I just had to move to the couch for part of the night but returned to the bed at 6AM. It was the best I could do. My brain just will not shut off. I don't feel anxious or anything and I do feel super tired (I have even been taking 2 benadryls plus valerian). By 2AM I am SO frustrated by laying there and being super exhausted, tossing and turning but unable to sleep. Then I go to the couch and wham, I'm asleep because I'm safe. It's nuts. I feel angry at my brain.