Part of your answer is in your post. Your mother taught you this was the way to handle frustrations in life. But you have realized that it is not only not effective, it makes others talk about you. Instead of this passive aggressive dance you have been engaged in, try finding appropriate places to unload your emotional baggage. If you are angry with your girlfriend, tell her and why. If she can't or won't listen, tell a counselor, your doctor, your pastor, rabbi, or other religious leader, or one close friend who can be relied to listen and not reveal what you have said. If you are angry with someone at work, think about why and think about it and think about it and think again before you go to the person and privately express your distress -- and prepare yourself for the person to still react poorly. Starting a journal you can keep private in a drawer at home is also a good idea.