Hi - I have been having those kind of thoughts on and off for a while now. What I have learned is that they do pass and however bad and desperate I have felt, if I can just find a way to distract myself, they do eventually go and my head feels clearer and more rational and I look back and think wow what a bad place I was in and how unwell I must have been and glad that I had waited for the dark clouds to pass.

I am not sure how it is for you, but when I have the thoughts, it is like they are not my thoughts, not that I am hearing voices, but just that there is one bit of my brain creating that stuff. So now I try to remind myself of that, to sort of separate myself from the thoughts and just try to consider them as an annoying noise that will eventually stop.

This weekend is the first time my kids have stayed with their dad (we were recently divorced) and I feel that my purpose in life has gone - but I am working really hard to find a different pathway in life - actually today I went and choose a new puppy that I pick up in 2 weeks - I know that puppy will give me a purpose and also will make me exercise which I know is really good for my mind.

So is suicide an option? I read somewhere that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, which I think is so true. I also read a book and it talked about suicide and how a woman who was suicidal was asked about her death and who would be standing at the graveside - I had a strong image of my children which I hold onto, I could not do that to them.

I hate those thoughts, at times they pull me under and I have to fight really hard to keep my head up, but I do believe that I will find a purpose and if I am not here, I will never get to find out what it was.

Take care, this is a great site with great people, major life events such as you describe can take a while to adjust to, so be patient and kind to yourself - SD