Quote:
Originally Posted by elliemay
I appreciate your thoughts here, but mmmm.... no.
While this child - note child - should be approached with empathy, her actions could prove to be quite damaging to her in both the long and short term. The most caring and responsible thing you can do for her is to try and protect her from herself.
As a parent (willed or otherwise) you have got to be able to simultaneously identify with and wrangle this youngster.
IMO, the best thing with teens is don't threaten - do.
Take the door off her room.
Search every single day for diet pills.
Take away the computer, cell phone etc..
Drive her to school and back and that's it.
No more of this "boyfriend". Period. Get a restraining order if you have to.
*Sit* on her if you have to.
She's full of grief, obviously hates herself, and likely feels way way way out of control (obviously).
You can provide that safety and those limits in a gentle, persistent, loving manner.
But you gotta step up to the plate here and be a parent.
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here in the USA when a minor has lost their parent the new caretaker is called a guardian not parent. they can become the new parent by going through an adoption process.
also where you are a 14yr old may be considered a "child" and where you are there may be a one size fits all when caring for children of all aging without taking into consideration to individual situations, and those that take over the care of children of all ages are considered to be parents regardless of the relationship of the "child" to the care taker and in your location it is believed the heavier hand/strick/firm inflexible parenting the better and not show any empathy for others including those that have recently watched their mother or father die...
here in the USA a 14yr old is called a teen ager not a child and here the legally approved way to raise teen agers is differently than you would raise a baby infant toddler child.
we respect them as human beings capable of discussing things that pertain to them and helping to plan their activities and helping to find solutions to problems.
in parenting classes, family therapy and individual therapy here in the usa the family unit in this case the teen and the guardians learn how to discuss and work out problems including teen behavior problems, to reach solutions that fit each individual situation.
we dont assume the teens are clones of their parents, friends, others, we treat them as individuals and work the problems as individuals.
we also take into consideration situations like death and where the minor has to relocate out of their parents home and into someone elses home where they have to learn a whole new way of life and rules.
we teach with guidance and love not an iron fist, humiliating and threatening the teens.
this 14 yr old has already been humiliated (place yourself in a 14 yr old girls body)
to put it bluntly no 14 yr old with a body just developing breasts and pubic hair is comfortable being seen by adults who walk in their bedrooms or the bathroom while they are naked.
in fact there are laws that say in some states and cases this is considered sexual abuse and care takers like parent, baby sitters and such can spend years in jail for this.
which is why I suggested knocking before entering a teens private space and allowing the teen to get dressed and taking the conversation to a different room.
