Praxis, thanks for sharing more of your story. I think that spending some time away would be a good thing if and when I can arrange it, either in Norway or someplace else. And maybe it's not just about running away and finding an easy way out, like I think sometimes. It really could be a healthy experience.

Sky, I can't tell you how much your support and your confidence in me means to me.

((((((Fuzzy)))))))) Thanks for reading my saga and keeping up with it. It's nice to know you are here.

Now I'm back into the class and too much to get done and sleep deprivation mode, but I want to update you on the realizations I made last night and today.

Of course my husband has been suspecting that something was up, and he is afraid I'll leave him, and he doesn't want that to happen. He told me he is envisioning the worst-case scenarios all the time. And I can understand that. I've been trying to figure out if my recovery is worth breaking up the relationship. One thing that I realized is that I don't only have a choice between on one side staying in a dependent relationship and not recovering, or on the other side getting out and starting a new life on my own. There is also a middle ground, which is working on the relationship and trying to make it what it needs to be so that I can grow and recover, and bring my family along with me. I think that it might be harder that way than either of the others, but I think it's what I need to try first.

The other thing that I realized is that when I say that I need to stop being dependent, and I need to be autonomous and independent, he is thinking in extremes and maybe that's what he means when he tells me that I am supposed to be dependent. But actually, it is a continuum, and I have been dependent to an unhealthy extreme and need to move more to the middle. But that doesn't mean that I won't need other people, or him, at all. Other things are like that too. I've been out of touch with my own wants and needs to the point that I couldn't even recognize them, and I do need to learn to stand up for myself and focus inward enough to know what I think and what I want and who I am, but that doesn't mean that I have to neglect everyone else, and not care about their needs, and walk all over them. It's more about bringing it into a proper balance.

Rap