View Single Post
 
Old Aug 21, 2011, 01:10 PM
BonnieJean's Avatar
BonnieJean BonnieJean is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Aug 2011
Location: in the windmills of my mind
Posts: 1,334
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES View Post
I think she wants you to be able to feel what it was like then.
The feelings that you couldn't allow yourself, that you pushed deep down, can now be allowed because the original reason for pushing them down no longer is present.

It isn't something you can force, but it is something you can be open to. It takes time and work to be able to be that vulnerable with yourself. It can happen in glimpses, and it is still profound. For example, I had a hard time in 1st grade, even though I'd gone to private kindergarten (there was no kindergarten in public schools in the horse-and-buggy days ). I refused to go to school for days, finally was marched into the school, to my room, mother spoke with the teacher, etc and that was the end of that. That scene is vivid in my memory. But what came to me recently was the feelings about being that first grader. I was hard of hearing and no one knew until age 5 and there was nothing to be done. I also likely heard that school would be fun and exciting and I would make friends... and I didn't socialize because I couldn't hear; kids had no clue. So, it occurred to me that it must have felt very scary and also very disappointing and it makes perfect sense that I decided that school was not the place for me! Those feelings, and the feeling of being very alone came to the surface for me after over 4 years of therapy.
So, it can take time. Your T's gentle nudging might help you feel able to be vulnerable with yourself - what do you think?
Echoes-horse & buggy days So, although you already had recollection of the feelings from your experience in 1st Grade, it was later during therapy that you were open to and began to understand/empathize with the experience you were having at that time? That idea helps.

I'm trying to be open but this is Scary. As I feel fearful reading your post I'm thinking maybe I'm trying to hold onto this frozen point to keep me from being as vulnerable with myself as t is nudging... I'm glad it takes time so I'm not facing everything right now.

Thanks for sharing, Echo.
__________________
-BJ