Thank you Sunday

I have been having more and more difficulty going outside. Plus it has been really really cold here. Today is a littlw warmer and I may try again. I often don't make it out though.

I can't have music when I'm sleeping and I think that is a subconscious thing. When I was growing up there was ALWAYS music on in the house, all day all night, usually classical or sometimes jazz. If you saw the photos of my dad's house you'll see all the audio equipment, that was his profession and he worked out of the home. So he was always up very late adjusting or testing things and playing music. When he wasn't working the radio was always on, he had of course a high end tuner and a separate antenna on the roof just to pick up FM radio so the sound was really superb and real.

It was always so soothing to fall asleep to that every night. And I always liked that there was always music on throughout the house all day, when i was doing homework, coming home from school, etc.

When I went to college at first I had trouble sleeping without the music, but eventually I got used to it. After years of that it came to the point where music would start to keep me awake at night.

Then I was forced back home in my parents house. This is when I began to have problems with my father and became resentful. Often when I was in bed and had to get up early for work he would suddenly blast a loud test signal or some music really loud and keep it on so that I couldn't sleep. I would confront him on this and he would say "oh I didn't know you could hear it". My bedroom was directly above the room he was working in! I knew the work he was doing at that point and there was no need to be testing stuff late at night. At this point in his life he wasn't even really making any money anymore from the audio stuff so it was more tinkering than working. And everynight we would have the same argument and "i didn't think you could hear it". Eventually my mom got involved, I would bang on the wall and she would go downstairs and tell him to turn it off.

It was such an unhealthy environment and I spent years wasted there.

I do like music in my life again and sometimes keep music on in my house but it has to be off when I am sleeping.

Wow that was a big release of feelings prompted by a simple suggestion . And I do usually drink milk at night too but I think my body is pretty used to it. Sometimes if I don't have milk I can't sleep. I still want to try some sleepytime tea, keep forgetting to pick it up at the store. It may help and also establish a "new routine" to help me sleep.

Thanks for the suggestions and the support and I can really use all the hugs I can get right now.

Thanks.

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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