I, too, have huge fears of 'getting into trouble'. When I feel like I'm in trouble, I completely bottom out. It means I'm bad. And it spirals from there. But I've learned, and am continuing to learn at times, that just because someone gets upset with us about something, it doesn't mean that we are forever marked 'bad'. It's just human nature that something rubs us the wrong way at times.

I know with my history, when I most often 'got in trouble' was by people who were completely unhealthy and abusive. So any wrong move meant there was indefinite punishment and labeling of 'bad'. But this is NOT the case with persons that are healthy, or with T. When T upset me, or I upset her, we can apologize and she lets it go. I can't. I feel like I'm forever indebt because of this 'bad deed'. But she is not consequencing me any longer, I'm consequencing myself because that's what my past taught me to do.

She may get mad at you again, you may get mad at her again. The difference is with T now, she won't hold it against you forever. She is able to acknowledge it, apologize, let it go and move forward. Which is why I hope that you can learn that it is ok to relax and show emotions. Because you need to trust that even if someone gets mad, she/you/both can work through it and go forward without forever labeling.

Try to take the blame out of it - of who's fault it is - it's not productive. It causes bad feelings inside when we try to place blame instead of thinking it is what it is. Neither good nor bad, right wrong, my fault or her fault.

((hugs))