Hello all...
I haven't posted for a couple of months, but I've found myself gravitating back toward PC again these last few days.
I am approaching what has often been a really difficult time of year for me.... last year and the year before, I had to do a partial hospitalization in late August/early September. My birthday is in September, which I think is part of it (the whole "why haven't I accomplished more in my life" thing). I think there's also been a seasonal component, with the days starting to get shorter. This year, I'm also approaching the 1 year anniversary of my dad's death (he died last October). I haven't crashed yet, but I feel like I'm in some ways waiting for the other shoe to drop. Yet, there's a line in a song by a favorite folk singer of mine, "...sometimes there's only one shoe."
Maybe I won't crash this fall.

I was feeling my mood starting to slide a couple of weeks ago, and I called my psychiatrist right away, and she increased my Lexapro. That seems to have helped. I also have some good things happening. I'm leaving a job that has sucked the life out of me for the last 5 years, and am going to focus on finishing my graduate degree this semester. I've actually started working on my thesis again, which I haven't had the energy to do for the last 10 months or so. I think knowing that I'm finishing up soon at my job has given me a little more energy to use in other ways. I signed up for a few classes as well. I'm hopeful that this energy will stay with me, but depression lurks in the background. Having a recurrent mental illness can make it hard to plan ahead sometimes!
I'm trying to be proactive about responding to symptoms without getting anxious about it to the point where I'm actually triggering the symptoms with my worrying... if that makes sense to anybody(?) Can anyone relate to trying to find a balance between being vigilant and driving yourself nuts? I'd love to hear what has been helpful for people.

anyway, thanks for listening!
Garden Gal