Okay. Many of you have seen my posts. Where I am petrified of being touched due to past sexual abuse. Where Im just completely a different person.

I dont know how to explain this. How can I go from being so afraid of men..i mean AFRAID , PETRIFIED.

Then, suddenly...I find myself wanting to cheat on partner, fantasizing of being with married men..Its crazy I dont understand.

Its literally like I just have too many unrelated personality triats.
Im aware of all of them...I dont dissociate..but I cant control when I change and how can I go from...afraid of men..to being with men and wanting to cheat on them at the same time! WHAT??

im so ashamed