Well, i have had a very abusive childhood, growing up in many foster and group homes, being raised by an alcoholic father, who was also very abusive, i quickly jumped into a 5 year abusive relationship, my first long term relationship. I suffered many types of abuse from verbal to physical. Finally it ended. Two months later i was right back in the same situation with another man. That ended and i started another "perfect beginning relationship" with another abusive partner. Being brought up where name-calling, hitting and so on is acceptable, it's difficult to see my self in any other situation. i know myself that this is not "normal" and not acceptable, but for some reason it is very natural for me to do it.
i have now started a new relationship (3 months into the relationship now. My new partner is the furthest thing from being abusive...and i am finding it very difficult to fight fair or not to be verbally or physically abusive...
he has been having trouble dealing with my BP, and the abuse is really hurting him. i dont even realize i am doing it. i dont know where to go from here....but i dont want to loose him. how come it's so hard to understand something so simple?