I have been diagnosed with depression for God knows how long when all along its been Bipolar. Im not on any meds right now. I took myself to see a Psychiatrist 3 months ago...he put me on lamictal and it made me suicidal which i not normally am. I told him and he kept increasing the dosage till i couldnt get outta bed, take care of my 2 daughters, or do anything. So I stopped seeing him and stopped the pills.
The past 3 months have been CRAZY. My bf of 4 yrs left me, I had to move cause couldnt afford rent alone. Stayed with my aunt 3 hrs away for a couple weeks, decided i wanted to start new life there, signed a lease..was there for almost 2 month..got depressed and my dad talked me into coming back here, so thats what i did last wknd. My dad said me and the kids cant stay with him because he cant take the kids' noise so im staying with my ex, their father. ugh...its a nightmare. The kids share a room and he stays in the other which leaves me no where. My stuff is in the garage, im sleeping on the floor. Me and the EX fight constantly....its horrible

Today i spent all day sleeping/crying in the kids' room. Im so depressed over this situation and my life in general. It seems as im getting older I am getting worse! I have no support really, no friends i can confide in...i mean whats the point?! Im messing up my kids by this constant fighting, and me and my up and down moods all the time, moving...ugh. kids are supposed to have a consistent enviroment. Im not consistent right now
I was seriously considering walking into a mental ward today, but then who would take care of my daughters??
Ive been on a lot of antidepressants from paxil, zoloft, prozac, wellbutrin (which also made me suicidal)..nothing helps!
My aunt gave me some of her xanax which did help a bit but i dont have an rx for it. I thought so much of ending my life today...but i cant...i dont wanna do that to my girls. My mom commited suicide and I know what it did to me.
i really dont know what to do anymore. How was it when i was 25 i was going to college, had my own apt, raising my kids and look at me know. I feel like im detoirating fast...