To give you a little history, last fall semester was kind of a disaster for me. Ok, it was a huge disaster. I don't want to go into so much detail that I have to put a trigger icon. But basically, for a few different reasons I had either decided it was a better idea to SI than go to my second class, or was too depressed to go at all. I was only taking two classes in the first place. Needless to say that didn't turn out well. I ended up dropping the second class so I wouldn't fail, and managing to do okay in the other class.

This contributed to realizing I had to fix alot of things in my life, and I did, literally overnight.

The next spring semester, I was taking 3 classes while training for 2 national martial arts tournaments (about 20+ hours of training a week). I would literally work out in the morning, go to class, have a few minutes at home, go to regular karate classes, train most nights afterwards, then go home and finish my homework typically a few hours before having to get up again. Yeah, I love RedBull alot more now. I ended up with two A's and one B (ONE point away from an A ), and did very well in the tournaments too. During my summer "break" I also took a summer class, which started literally the day after getting home from the second martial arts tournament, and ended last week. My fall semester starts in exactly a week. Where did my summer break go?! Knowing I had a break at the end of all this was what got me through it, I think. I really don't have much of a break. I have one week, which will be busy with other things.

Because of alot of other things going on so far this year, I just feel exhausted. Physically and mentally, but mostly mentally. Like I'm not ready for the fall. Maybe alot of it is remembering what happened last year, especially since it seems as though 2010 (a very screwed up year for me, as you may have guessed by the beginning of this thread) was trying to repeat itself. Things may have even been worse this year. But I got through it with very little self-destructive behavior (and no SI). Not to mention this is going to be my first full-time semester, and I just feel like I know I'll screw it up somehow. I feel like I used up all my motivation and energy on getting through the year so far, and now I just can't keep up with the pace I had set. The problem is, I have to. It seems like I use up most of the day's energy just getting myself out of bed sometimes. I hate how this seems so easy for most people. I hate how I can't regain all the motivation, all the drive I had at the beginning of the spring. I feel like I need to sleep for a month and maybe that would help. I don't know. Just....