Hi everyone my name is stacey. I just joined this site today. The reason I joined is because I have had a long hard battle with medications since I was 15 and im now 24 years old. Like I have been on and off alot of them. I am currently taking a very old antidepressant called Nardil its part of the maoi family. The thing is it has helped some but not enough to get me feeling anywhere close to normal. It also caused me such bad constipation that I had to do enemas for two years and it messed up my bowels so bad. I am now on a laxitive powder called restoralax. I get sick quite often and more depressed because of my bowels but without the nardil im completly suicidal. My Psychiatrist decided he was going to try and add another antidepressant to the nardil which is not standard practice whatsoever. To helpmy depression and to hopefully be able to lower the nardil enough for my bowels to return to normal. I wanted him to add the new effexor, prestig because I had a pretty good trial run with efexor on high does,i mean it did something atleast. However he said that it was to dangerous to add prestiq because of your blood pressure potentially going to high, and the only way to do it would be for me to be in hospital and where he is in toronto they are rebuilding the mental hospital so there is no room and the psychiatrist on dudy may not agree with his recommendations. So he ended up giving me trazodone which I took saturday night and passed right out and woke up balling and very sad hopeless and at my wits end. I had to take another as needed pill to get me somewhat out of the state it had created. I am just wondering if anyone anywhere out there is in the same rough boat as me and has any idea of what I should do. I have constant severe depression with no episode breaks and severe general anxiety with thought loops. Does anyone know where I can get information on what medications I can try with nardil? Which ones are safe. I have also had the experience with the ssri group like zoloft when i go off them and go back on they don't work. Paxel made me worse, prozac did nothing, effexor helped a bit at like 450mg. remerone when added to effexor and cipralex helped alot however my dose was to high and they induced me into a high state and then in the hospital took me right off of it. Effexor I think worked the second time at a really high dose. Remerone I never tryed again. Celexa made me gain a whole bunch of weight along with all the antipsychotics I have tryed like zeldox seroquel risperidone etc. abilify I hate them. I have like 100 pounds to lose because of all those now. So I refuse to take them. Cymbalta did nothing. immipramine did nothing. Clomipramine made me worse. i have been on all the anti anxiety medications and most never worked im on 3.5 mg of lorazepam a day but pretty much immune to it. SO basically I have no idea what to do. I have lost alot of relationships from when my bowel got really badi was completly moody and out of it. I used to be really outgoing and make friends everywhere and now its so hard for me to make friends because of my social anxiety and not being able to work or do any sports or anything because im far from reliable. If i don't excercize and eat really healthy and drink plenty of fluids my day is pretty much a write off. So if anyone in the whole world has any suggestions. I would love to hear them. I also have done alot of cbt and talk therapy and I am starting therapy sessions with my psychiatrist in september. So please im so desperate I just want to feel like myself again I want to be able to work and be normal. Also what just happened to was my boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me and got a new girlfriend because of my illness he couldn't take it anymore. I feel so alone and even though he wasn't very nice to me I atleast had someone around. I am scared and wish life would get better. I try so hard and it seems everyday is just work work work to get through it. im not living at all im just existing. sorry to sound like such a downer but my own mom and my grandma I can't even talk to because they just don't get it and are very abusive and i want my relationship back with them as well. That doesn't seem like its going to happen until i get well. thanks for reading such a long message I hope someone has some ideas. Im so stuck thanks stacey