Well first, I've been quite anxious about this whole post-- putting myself out there! I get so afraid that I'm going to receive the same things I've gotten in 3-D life..... invalidation-- resulting in wishing I would have never said anything.
----- But it's NOT been that way here--- Thank You all so much!!

Tunia-- thanks for believing in me--- I appreciate that.
Sabrina-- thanks for all your support, it means a lot to me.
Sleeps-- please, don't worry that you were late here-- I always welcome your support anytime. Thank you.
Time0-- thanks again for your thoughtful support.

The session Friday was draining...... not used to voicing so much of my inner-self.

My T's support was unending-- even when my husband turned things several times, to be about himself-- my T. turned the subject back around to my concerns--- it was so amazing--- how he could do that!!! -- (as, I found myself falling back into the old ways-- feeling sorry for my husband's struggles and thinking he needs support and having the urge to put myself aside).

My mind tries to tell me, my husband can't help the way he is towards me at times, as he has many struggles. My mind says, "If he just didn't have those struggles, things would be so much better", and if I deny supporting him that makes me an awful, selfish person!! ---- Yet, another part of me says it shouldn't be that way no matter what. -- it's so confusing.

After we got home my husband said what a "jerk" my T. is. That hurt--- the hard part is-- should it have hurt? Is that feeling I have valid?

As a child, my feelings were wrong---it's ridicules being upset when someone "innocently" forces themself on me again and again. I also shouldn't have been scared being held at gunpoint when I was 8, after all it was a boy of only 13-- how could I be afraid of a "boy"-- what a baby I was!!
Just what am I supposed to feel now???

yikes!--- I hope I haven't said too much! So sorry if I've offended anyone. Think I better go hibernate now!!

thanks to all of you for your support.

mandy