I recently was hospitalized at my pdoc's mental facility for a few days to get safe and to heal. I had some horrible experience there and it was filthy and unsafe there. I put in a 4 hour letter and finally got released the next day. Because I complained, I felt the staff was hostile, and I was really scared. The pdoc on call was dismissive but I know he went down the hall later and saw/smelt some of what I was talking about. Now I'm more afraid and full of anger too. Came home very sick from hospital and germs.

Now I don't want to trust anyone on my team and just feel like nothing matters, and it can only get worse, and feel very hopeless and helpless, which I would never admit to in the past. Maybe hopeless, but not helpless. If I complain any further to any regulatory boards, I know I will lose my pdoc forever if I haven't already. I inappropriately called him late last night about how sick I was and worried about geriatric patients there getting sick too. He was not happy with me that I had called him so late.

I have no safe place to go and don't know how to soothe or heal myself right now and feel sick at heart for those left inside that place. Now having new nightmares about some experiences there. I don't even want to talk to T because he is friends with pdoc. Really aching inside and feel abandoned and confused but I'm the one running away. Does anyone have any suggestions?