never mind LOL I see what happened... two postings by the thread starting poster were combined in one thread. the original post that we were all discussing is the now underneath the other threads post and now contains info about it being added to the other post...

so now we are discussing both situations the girl being found in the bedroom naked and the situation where she had a doctor appointment and the coach..LOL

ok confusion gone LOL

now my clarifying my posts -

I was talking about the second post with the 14 yr old chatting on the computer....

that posting doesnt contain a lot of information..

there is no mention in the post about prior discussions with the girl about house rules on nakedness in the bedroom by the guardian or mother..

there is no mention in the post about prior discussions with the girl by the mom about nakedness in the bedroom.

there is no mention of the mother having any prior discussions with the girl about computer usage and nudity.

there is no mention of the guardian having prior conversations with the girl about computer usage while naked.

there is no mention of discussions by the guardian or mother concerning whether the rules at the guardians house about computer usage and nudity is different than at home.

there is no mention of prior history of the boy being abusive or manipulative to the girl.

there is no mention whether the guardian overheard or read unappropriate conversations that the boy and girl were having.

there is no mention of the boy and girl engaging in self sexual gratification during their conversations.

there is no mention whether the guardian knocked and waited for the teens permission to enter the teens bedroom.

there is no mention whether the guardian had the teen ager get dressed before she yelled at her.

before I had posted my first post about this issue on what I would have done in this situation, I checked to see if the poster had posted anything that had pointed to this same thing that is within this post in this thread had happened before but at that time there was no such prior history.

so all I know to go on in replying about this situation is what is in this post by the original poster..

the 14yr old was caught naked in her own bedroom chatting on the computer with her boyfriend..

with no prior history mentioned I went on the idea that this was the first time the girl was caught like this,

with no prior history mentioned I had no choice but to go on the idea the girl may not have known about the rules in this new home about nudity in the bedroom and computer usage.

with no prior history I had no choice but to go on maybe at the moms house this kind of activity was ok. I say maybe because all we know about the mom and the moms home is the mom is dead. so maybe the mom did allow such behavior maybe she didnt but without that information I had no choice but to give the girl the benefit of the rules on these things are different in the two households and no one told her about the rules concerning these things..

basically with the lack of all that prior information I went on this was the first time this had happened in this home, the girl may have been allowed to do this in the moms home and no one told her the new rules yet..

and with no information about allowing the girl to dress before yelling and punishing I had to go on the possibility that the girl was still naked during the yelling and punishing of the guardian. (which here in the usa is considered sexually humiliating a child, child porn and all that other legal stuff)

I dont punish people for not knowing the rules and I dont punish people when one household has one set of rules and the other doesnt so the child may get confused on what they can and cant do. and I dont punish people for their very first offenses. I never punish a child while they are naked and I never have discussions nor punish a child in their bedrooms. from my point of view a persons bedroom is their own space their own sanctuary. and no matter what the situation is I never use threats to tell their friends, other family members, teachers, doctors and therapists things to get the child to use appropriate behaviors.

I instead I take family discussions to the places in the house that is neutral and for use of all family members. if any family members or friends that have spent the night are not in attire appropriate for the family rooms I have them get dressed then meet me in the family rooms.

then I sit down with the child and calmly explain the rules of the house, write them out to be posted if the child feels that will help them to remember.

if there is a health problem or health issue involved we talk about that issue and discuss whether treatment providers need to know about it and why. then the child and I decide together which one of us will bring the health issue to the attention of the treatment providers, I include the options of their talking to their treatment provider alone, my talking to the treatment provider alone, both of us talking to the treatment provider together.

over all what I posted about how "I" would have handled this situation remains as I posted.

other people may choose to be more strict under these same situations and without all the prior information of prior history and all that.

but this is how I would have done things.

Im not saying my way is right for how others would deal with this situation.

each person has their own way to handle things this is mine and its the right way "for me and my family" should we be in such a situation as this.