I just came from my T and it was an interesting session. I told him how there are days where I am so overwhelmed with being held captive by all that I have to deal with resulting from someone's negligence that I just want to give up. And I explained how that one safe place that I had created to be my haven from all the other issues I had to somehow deal with in my life was destroyed. It was as if that tree that I climbed so many times in order to hid from my brother who had some plan to hurt me was all of a sudden cut down and not there. Now, I not only have to be trapped with no place to run, no way to truely rest or feel safe, but all the things that hurt me throughout my life are being exposed to my family. As much as I want them to understand how deeply effected I am, I also want to protect them from taking on my pain and the depth of my personal life struggle. I especially want to protect my daughter, I do not want her to be exposed to the terrible things her mother endured.
I dont want that to be in her head, I never did, she doesn't need to be infected with my pain, it isn't fair to her. And I feel I have to be careful how much my husband learns about the incredible pain he has caused to me.

My therapist told me today that he was amazed at how strong I was and that had he had to deal with what I am struggling with, he might want to give up as well.

But what I really wanted him to say is, "Give me the name of your attorney, he has to know how much you are suffering while he fumbles around in forgetfulness. I want to tell him that it is paramount that this situation get resolved because it is causing my patient to suffer to an extreme that is becoming a critical concern. I will tell him that you were extremely violated needlessly and you are truely suffering from a critical case of PTSD that is being aggrivated to dangerous levels."

Everyone can see the pain I am in and how I am really struggling every day. I keep asking for someone to speak up on my behalf. But no seems to hear me.

I cant keep looking at a train wreck day in and day out, four years is long enough.
I truely need a time out, a repreeve and a release from this psychological bondage.
Everyone sees it, but no one acts.

Open Eyes