I promised to keep you updated regarding what I wrote about last Sunday
http://forums.psychcentral.com/showthread.php?t=193935
and so here is the update:
I wrote T a letter in which I told her what I had done, and the different emotional reactions I had experienced as a result of what I found out. I told her I know she probably will be angry at me and disappointed in me, and that terrifies me, but I am willing to suffer the consequences.

She read the letter (my heart was beating so fast before the session, it almost jumped out of my chest). When she was done she said she was glad I was able to be honest with her. She said she wasn't feeling any anger, since there wasn't anything threatening about my behavior. She said she views it as simply wanting to know who she is, and who are the people in her world, and trying to get a better sense of it.

She is amazing, and I knew all along she's amazing, but today she showed it in a deeper way.
She clarified for me why the wedding took place recently (because her mom is about to die any day now, a family wedding that has been scheduled for later in the year was being held now). I felt really awkward to have her explain this to me, because I honestly felt like it wasn't any of my business. But she said it's important for her to explain this to me, because I grew up with so much deceit and concealment in my family.

We spent the rest of the session discussing what I had imagined regarding her when she was gone, and the feeling I was experiencing as a result.

So, the moral of the story is that my instincts about her were right, and she did not reject me for my behavior. She accepted me with all my flaws, and could understand, with a lot of compassion and empathy, what was driving me.

She is amazing, I missed her so much . Too bad she will have to go soon again and I am sad that she is about to lose her mother .