yesterday i was getting ready to take my boys out for school suplies ,& i was talking to my son about the plan i would take the to get the binders & things like that & then when dad got paid i would take them to get shoes & haircuts & when dad got paid again we would go for clothes ,& my husband was listining & said to me you mean the money i gave you last week never went for school stuff ? i said no i had to pay the bills & get my meds & pay for doc bills,we basicly live week to week or paycheck to paycheck & he is in the construction industry painting so its not like a steady paycheck say he dont get paid every friday & the paycheck vary in amounts anyway , i didnt think that was fair of him to put that on me like i paid the bills wrong ,he always says to me i (he)make the money i dont wanna see the bills i dont wanna see it go ! i was haveing a good day today i did the dishes & ran the sweeper & was washing the dogs bedding & i was gonna go weed the front yard well i texed him earlier & told him that ,so he calls me when he s done with work & tells me he is gonna go to his brothers for awhile i told him i had to lay down after washing the dogs bedding cause i took my med & sometimes it makes me tired ,i said when i get up im gonna go out & weed & my son was gonna sit out there with me & work on this thing for his websight & he went off on me & told me bullcrap he should be helping you instead of sitting on his butt ,,i need my kid or someone to keep a eye on me when im out there cause the sun & heat can make me dizzy side effect to med anywho he says they never do anything around the house bub(son nick name)wants to make money & he wants to go to work for me & i told him he can do things around the house & i will pay him i tried to tell him that it wasent the same as getting up & going out to hange & work with the guys & then he tells me he cant come to work till he gets his hair cut (stupid i think) where did that come from ? then he goes on to tell me all they do is play those dam games(im useing nice words) i told him i dont get on them about it cause there summer sucked we went no were this whole summer & did nothing with the no amusment parkes or anything i feel so bad & feel so guilty for that i dont no how i can make it up to the kids?they dont complane or anything but i still feel so bad !the things that bother me about him r i have a eating disorder & all he watches is the food chanel & wants me to watch that i have a few times just to try to hang with him i have tried to get him numerious times to watch my shows he wont at all at night i usauly go upstairs in the bedroom & watch my shows & he is in the liveing room with his shows i wanna change it cause when he gets home from work alot of the time thats when my shows come on & we spend no time together we have been together for so long i wounder if our marrige is going down the tube after i was diagnost with bipolar things change big time we ve been threw alot together i think it left dammage we have not had sex in like oh i dont know 5years or so i tried for the fist few years to be intiment but he turned me down each & evey time so he started to go to bed without getting a shower so i wouldent go near him he sweats all day mind you he dont smell or im use to it but to this day he gets his shower in the morning thats a hudge insult to me this very day thats my thinking is to why he dont shower before bed they way it looks to me is i will never have sex again cause he dont want me & im married so what r my options ?none im stuck ! i hope this note made sence if not im sorry for wasting ur time but im so frustrated & dont know how to get threw to him i wish he was more positive with my boys he is not that mean but i try to compliment everyday to let them know i care & he dont do that ok im done gotta go to store thanks for letting me vent !be back later ! moon