"No. One. in my life knows what I'm dealing with in therapy, or even that I *am* dealing with something. I feel so so alone with it, and I'm not willing/able/brave enough/whatever to share it, so here I am."

Me too, Tree, me too. I never talk to anyone about it - in fact, I've never explained why I'm in therapy. That makes it very lonely, and I can only talk to T about it. Yeah, 50 mins a week is it. A week if I'm lucky, because sometimes it's longer between sessions because he does some outside stuff like teaching and supervising.

I kinda envy you because you were able to cry. I just can't .... yet .... although it's coming. I know I'm going to feel better when I do, but I just can't - not in his office anyway. I'm sorry the pain was so intense for you. It sounds like a very painful session, but you survived. I think just feeling the pain, letting it out, leads to healing.

"I can *see* the sky, but I can't quite get back there."

I'm dealing with something similar and it's SO frustrating!!!! I got to a good place once and then lost it, and now I have to figure out how to get back there. I did it once - I can do it again - but when?????? Gaaahh!! Keep plugging away. Post every day, post dozens of times a day, whatever it takes to get you to Monday. Hang in there.