Well, to a point I agree, but many times I did not speak my own truth.
I don't know elliemay, I am paying for that now, in ways I never could have imagined.

All my life I hid my own truth to spare pain to others. But now I am riddled with all that pain that I unknowingly held in. I talked with my therapist today about it and he has heard my truth and he does understand how I felt the way I did and the reasons I did it. But he also see's how much damage it has caused to me, more than I ever realized.

He sees my stuggle of being misunderstood because I have not wanted to hurt others. And he also sees why I still do it, to spare others still. And he has seen the weakness of the others, and so he knows why I do it and he says I am very thoughtful and yet it has been very hard on me. And he admits that he doesnt know if he could have done the same.

I don't know, it is very hard. I really struggle with it every day. I continue to pay for something that was just never my fault. He explained the damage it has amounted to that I truely struggle with today. He described what the years of supression has done to me and how that final straw broke me and how I am fighting an extreme case of PTSD. And he knows how I still walk on eggshells while trying to find ways to delicatey recover without harming others.

There is my truth, and then the truth that others around me are able to accept. So, that means that I have to continue to hide my truth and find ways to do just that.

Open Eyes