Gentle hugs to you mj88keys

It is sad to see you fighting with such hard and critical thought processes. I got stuck in that same pattern many, many years ago.

I have recently learned to try to ignore these automatic negatives. And, point out the positives that I see instead. I do avoid looking into mirrors, because that just brings out negative thoughts. Positives in life that I can see: I take good pictures of my daughters. I like walking & can walk for 6-7 miles, where I focus my attention on nature. I also enjoy collecting cookie jars for the heck of it. None of those positives are focused upon me.

I do go to therapy regularly and I take meds to keep my depression and anxiety at bay. From where I sit, that's taking a positive stand in life. I may not "like myself", but I don't have to focus on those dark thoughts that immediately come along with that fact. Let them go, and focus on the positives that I do still have in life.

Hope that helps you ~ very best wishes to you! As you grow, part of you will recognize that you may not deserve the horrible feelings that you currently hold towards yourself. No one does deserve it, but changing that mentality and pattern takes a long time and a lot of work.