I think I had that problem too; my stepmother was not big on "complaining" and everyone was equal, so, even though I was only 5 I'd get the, "everyone else is just as hot/tired/cold/hungry, etc. as you are".

I'm very truthful and found it helpful to think of it in the sense that it is a form of lying to "deny" that one feels something unpleasant, just because one doesn't think one "should"?

I have a lot of little examples of how my stepmother and I dealt with one another and found it helpful to discuss some of them with T.

I remember when my father married my stepmother, within the first week or two she taught me to make my bed (I had just turned 5) and that was that, from then on I was expected to make my bed right away every morning. Much later in my life (I was close to 20 I think) she made fun of me for "expecting a medal for making your bed each day. . . doing what you should do".

My T and I discussed what I would have liked with the bed making and we figured out that it would have felt good to do chores together with my stepmother, that we didn't "connect" with one another, it wasn't really about doing chores and what I was "supposed" to do/not do but was about the feelings that were denied; a 5 year old would like hugs, laughter, someone helping them (it's hard to do anything for the first time, much less for the first time as a child) and enjoying being with them. But, if you think about it, everyone likes those things?

There are so many factors that go into relationships, especially between parent and child and it's impossible for a parent to consider them all! My stepmother taught me to sew when I was a young teen and I'm left-handed so she even bought me left-handed scissors but we did all the work of what we were making in one session, I couldn't work for a couple hours and then do something else and come back another day. She worked all in one session and "forgot" that I was new to sewing and how hard it would seem/be for me learning and not being accustomed to sewing or an adult's pace (or that I might not "like" sewing and being kept at it didn't endear that activity to me!).

As an adult in my mid-40's I was peeling potatoes one evening to make mashed potatoes for dinner, my husband loves them, and I hated peeling potatoes and found it difficult and my T and I discussed that and I suddenly realized that I had trouble with peeling potatoes because I hadn't done it much! It wasn't something "wrong" with me, I just had not practiced as much. It was another chore my stepmother would give me to do and I was awkward at it and uncomfortable, even with a potato peeler, and she'd berate my slowness and stand beside me with a little paring knife and peel circles around me So, I grow up, having "forgotten" these little vignettes of growing up and just know that I hate to peel potatoes but happened to have wondered why and. . .

So, think of things you do/do not like and wonder "why" and look back at all the things you can remember about that item/activity/situation and see what you can learn?