Hey mj, thanks for sharing. I'm not a professional but I have an idea about how to help you. Try this if you like:

1. Write down every reason you can think of why you are "lacking" in your ideal qualities.

2. Debunk these reasons systematically using the methods in CBT (I suggest you get the feeling good handbook, by dr. david burns, but you can google "cognitive behavioral therapy techniques" right now).

3. Identify legitimate reasons why you are lacking and make a plan how you can better meet your ideal by eliminating those reasons through self-improvement. For example, you might want better social skills, or to learn how to wear makeup and dress better.