I have the exact same thing. It might be a minor issue, like being 5 minutes late for work or tripping in front of a group of people and getting made fun of. I will beat myself up emotionally about it for days and not be able to let it go. There are some things that happened earlier in life, that when I think about them I start to get mad, yell, call myself names. Its even gotten to the point I punched myself in the face. And the whole time I'm doing it I'm telling myself that its nothing and it wasn't my fault, its in the past and done with, yet it continues to haunt me and make my life a living hell. Even when my buddies give me crap jokingly, and I fully know they are only joking, I still take every word to heart and it continues to feed that voice in the back of my head that likes to tell me I'm a worthless sack of crap. A 23 year old Eagle Scout, Penn State graduate, completely independent with a high paying job is hardly worthless, and I know that and am proud of my accomplishments, yet I hate myself more and more every day.
Because of this feeling, I've never faught back against those that have actually hurt me or done something that was truely egregious or offensive. I've bottled it all up for 23 years and I'm afraid one day the right person is going to do or say the right (or wrong, depending how you look at it) thing that's gonna make me snap. I'm 5'9" 210lb and stronger than most, and I know from experience that when I go full blown manic I feel no pain. I was able to slip tight handcuffs off my wrists and tear through at least 5 layers of heavy duty trash bags with my forearms. That night left my arms black for a week because they were so badly bruised, yet I did it fairly easily. Having never thrown a serious punch in my life, I am terribly afraid that if that day does ever come I might end up killing the person.
So for now I still brush it off and shove it in that back pocket of my brain. But the walls are getting thin and its only a matter of time til it explodes. When that day comes, look out.
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