((((((((Kmbpeace1171)))))))))
It may not mean that something happened to you in that specific place. Your disturbed sleep could simply mean that you subconsciously know that if you truely fall asleep you will not be able to be hypervigillant. And it is hard to relax and be hypervigillant as well.
Perhaps at some point in your past something happened to you that completely caught you off guard. So anytime you are not "on guard" you feel vulnerable.
I can totally relate to that as I was caught off guard many times, in very early childhood and all my life I have had trouble truely relaxing. I can think of other people constantly saying to me "Will you just relax?" and I really did try and yet continued to struggle to do just that subconsciously.
I am sure it must be hard for you not knowing exactly where these issues come from.
The only thing you can do is continue to try to see if you can figure that out, it would be nice if you had the why so you could learn to overcome it.
Hopefully through therapy you will get to the bottom of the reason. But for now,
I would suggest that all you can do is concentrate on the fact that whatever did happen is not going to happen now and that you are going to work at redefining your comfort zones.
Now one of the things that you may want to consider is that you may have been in a situation where you were not actually harmed, but , you were in a danger of being harmed and you were afraid of the different pain that may have caused to you. Or, you may have witnessed something where some else was hurt and it was hard for you to see or understand so you just repressed that memory.
It could actually be something you happened upon when you were very young, like you woke up and went downstairs and happened to see a grownup watching a movie that was violent where people were being hurt. And you were unaware of how that stayed in the back of your mind and gave you a false warning of something that can happen to people.
So perhaps your fears are not really real but you just don't remember. Maybe what you could do is see if you can remember that ever happening. It could have been a conversation you were not meant to hear, an article you came across, or as I mentioned a movie or scene in a movie you saw when you were young that had an effect on you that you didn't realize.
Those are things you can explore in therapy.
Open Eyes
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