I was on 225mg of Effexor XR for 5 years and it finally stabilized me. I was suicidal all the time, too. It took about 7 years for my depression to cycle through. My sister-in-law sounds like you. She's been on at least 18 antidepressants and none of them really worked for her. She's now on an organic, gluten-free diet and that seems to have helped. She's reading The Mood Cure and thinks it will help. Try not to be alone too much. I know it's counter-intuitive to seek out people when you feel like crap, but it really helped me (and kept me away from dangerous situations). Good luck. Feel free to e-mail me if you want someone to commiserate with.