Hey Ana,

Two thoughts, have you seen a professional? Also, do you have a history of fearing you will develop an illness that you never actually do (hypochondria)? In my non-professional opinion I think you should check out both of those possibilities and take the appropriate steps to make a treatment plan for yourself with your doctor. What you are talking about does sound very scary and I have never experienced anything quite like that. However, I once had a delusion that my mother would die when I was 22 years old because of a "pact" I had made with god to save her from cancer, years earlier. The deal was that I would get 11 more years with her. This was, needless to say, extremely terrifying.