Oh, such a beautiful declaration. I salute you, gentle being. I am glad you survived. I am glad you found strength to fight for yourself and break free. I hope you continue to recover and reclaim pieces of yourself and grow stronger.

A trap gentle people, people who like to help others, people who like to please others fall in with the abusers is that we hope that if we try harder we will make them see how gentle, beautiful and loving we are, and the abuse will turn into appreciation. It is a lost cause, and rationally we would never buy into such an idea, but this goes deeper, below the level of rational thinking. This also could be what's fueling your anxiety: in that aspect, you may feel like you failed. And it is too easy for those shadow-thoughts to morph quickly into an idea, that maybe you are just not loving, gentle, and patient enough. If this rings true maybe sit with that underlying expectation you've put on yourself, to comprehend it's fallacy. To be able to detach yourself from it may bring relief.

Do you have help? Therapist? Abused women's group?