I was fat, glasses since the first grade and few friends. I had terrible suicidal and homicidal thoughts as a pre-teen. I kept it all to myself. I tried to pierce my own tounge witha sewing needle with a lead fishing weight crimped to the end and succeeded. All I used for numbing was some ora-gel.
My parents never let us do sports for fear we'd get hurt and they couldn't pay the bills. So I took up high risk behavior during my 11 years in the Boy Scouts. We'd drink, chew tobacco, and even smoked some white powder. This was @ age 13. Started stealing booze sometime before that.
When they let us do track in highschool, I took up the javelin and pole vaulting because they were the most high risk events.
@ the end of my junior year I got contacts and decided to make a change. I was in the gym everyday and spending at least $100 a month on suppliments. I transformed my body that summer into a jacked, tan, muscle man. I got very angry when people accused me of using steriods. But the thoughts of self-worthlessness ensued.
I had detailed plans of how to get away with killing almost everyone I knew and how the final showdown would go with police.
This kept up til I lost it junior year of college and was finally hospitalzed. I got myself admitted and didn't tell my parents til a few days later.