im not shure if i should have posted this here or in the sleep category,ok my sleep schedual is way off its the end of summer & the kids will be going back to school soon & the closer it gets it seems like we stay up later & later ,& my husband keeps telling me its not good for you(me) to break away from my schedual i should take meds at the same time & go to bed at the same time & im like yea! yea ! yea! whatever ,well i went to bed at oh around 4am ish as apposed to 11pm big dif anywho i woke up today & felt like crap i have a few bad teeth & they hurt really bad the ones way in the back ,my ears r hurting really bad & my throut & neck hurt really bad i guess it may be my tonseles or something but i had put ice on my neck & heat & did the salt with warm water ,to get to the question is i am very scared i have throught cancer & as the day goes on it becomes scarier 4 me if im either always scared of dieying or i wanna take my life cause i cant live with bipolar anymore its such a morbid thing to live with the morbid thoughts keep bringing me down i feel like oh i dont know my sould is the devil & is after my shell (body)or my mind is the devil after my soul & my heart is the onely thing keeping me here ,i became ill again about a year ago & had to leave work i have no health coverage i wish i did i think i would be fixed if i had coverage but i never have the money to go get help i can barly afford my meds before that witch would be 2 yrs ago i started to get sick but stuck it out for a year so i worked sick but before that i was fine for like 3or4 yrs so i know it can go into remission not shure if thats the right term ,but what i wanna no is why im am consintly thinking of death is it just me ? or is it the depression or the bipolar i dont get it ? i do have to say this websight is my saveing grace it really helps me to reach out & know there r people that r caring & helpfull & it also helps just to get it off my chest ! thanks for taking the time to read this i feel allitle better now ! have a good day !
moonbeam in my heart! its what keeps me going !