when you feel sick its not easy to be thrilled with life!!!! Also sometimes thinking of death means maybe a way out...but remember its permanent! I think though when we get depressed we always have those dark thoughts. Afterall we are depressed!

Sounds too like you need a clinic or something that will see you without insurance. Check the internet and look in your area. Also there still are a few clinics out there that will work out some financial plan or see you free. Sometimes you have to work thru the paperwork but its worth it if you get care.

When you feel better you will be less depressed and a little more in tune with stuff. I have a bi-polar daughter that has been fighting her demons for years. She was dx at age 13 and now is 31. She is sober 9 months but its very rough for her. I have major depression and I work at staying happy. Sometimes its my full time job.

None of us have it easy here. Thats why we are all here. I am glad you posted!!!

Feel better!!!
Hugs;